So I've been thinking a little while about what to blog about and this is just heavy on my heart... So I'm going to share it. It was something I experienced in my quiet time on Wednesday night. I just keeps running though my head for some reason.
The passage I was reading was Psalms 4. Josh and I are kinda on this journey through Psalms. We are taking a new chapter each week and reading it every day that week. For whatever reason this Psalm really really hit me hard. Lately, I've been having a hard time reading. Even my passages I'm committed to reading. But Wednesday night I spent some time in prayer before reading just asking God to speak to me through His word.
This is the passage by way of Bible Gateway in the NIV version.
For the director of music. With stringed instruments. A psalm of David.
1 Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
3 Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD will hear when I call to him.
4 In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
5 Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the LORD.
6 Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
7 You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.
8 I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
So I start my journal entry. Titled it Safety. Honestly, with out really thinking about it. I know the last word is "safety" in the passage but it just didn't occur to me at the time to name my entry that. It wasn't til reading the passage like 5 times did it hit me that the last word in the passage is what I titled my entry. It really showed me that that is what God wanted me to take away from this passage. I started to write. About my fears... my anxieties...my concerns for our future in the next few months as Josh is looking for a job. I have always been a fan of "security"... be it financial, relational, or whatever. I suppose it something that all women find comfort in. Well as we are approaching a rather trying time in the book of our life right now, I am faced with a strong fear of uncertainty. Honestly, it makes my heart beat incredibly fast as I'm writing this. A million different scenarios run through my lil head... different ways to "close this chapter and start a new one" in our life. Of course, I'm learning toward the more "pleasant" outcomes but I know that that might not be the way we close this chapter. Im praying that the closure is easy, painless and CLEAR AS A BELL... black and white... but it might not be. So enter... FEAR. WORRY. ANXIETY.
The passage... well it's constantly running through my head and I want it to continue to run through my head as we start this new journey b/c it's my SAFETY NET. That is how I ended up relating the passage. If I place my "feelings of security" in the safety net of a home.. a job...etc, those things can fail... break... and leave me empty. However, if my faith and trust if Him is my safety net, it will NEVER fail... break... and will leave my cup full.
So that is where I am now. He is my safety net. Whatever is before us in the transition that we will be making soon, I am placing it in His safety net. Not mine.